Tam's Surgery Update

Hi friends,

So as you all know, a year ago, Tam decided she wanted breast augmentation surgery and so she decided to get cancer, double mastectomy, chemo, go bald, have expanders put into her chest and finally yesterday, receive her breast implants.
hehe...
Ok, not exactly how it went, but yesterday, she underwent a 2 hour surgery to continue her breast reconstruction process. She is recovering very well and getting plenty of rest (right now she's watching the classic movie The Breakfast Club directed by the king of 80's cinema John Hughes). Anyway, I digress. I just wanted to say thanks for thinking and praying for the bravest woman I know.

BeeTeeDubs...thank you Angie for hanging out at the hospital yesterday when you should have been in a meeting with Steph.

Where Does the Time Go?

I've been a busy bee the past few weeks. Truly, truly busy with more work than I have known what to do with at times. Which--as Nate reminds me when I complain--is a real blessing. To have an extra income right now is no small thing, as we weren't making it just two short months ago.

Yesterday, I registered at the hospital for my surgery on the 12th. I've never been so excited for a surgery in all my life. I'm sure I'll be horribly disappointed when I inevitably wake up in horrible pain. I mean, when these expanders were placed in December, I woke up convinced that my shoulder had been broken.

However, right now getting these tissue expanders out and having a few days to lay around and be spoiled sounds like heaven.

It is, today, exactly one year since my diagnosis. I remember at that very next appointment Nate and I asked my doctor: So how long will all of this cancer stuff take? And his answer was a year to 18 months.

At the time neither one of us really believed him. We had virtually no understanding of how complicated this type of reconstruction is. We thought, oh 7 months tops. We'll be done. And yet, now, it seems we won't be actually be done until December, if then.

Of course, this surgery next week is the last big one, but still. This is a lengthy process, that I totally underestimated, myself.

All the same, it's so wonderful to be one year out and to be healthy. My fears that I wouldn't live to see another year or that I'd still be fighting it were unfounded. Here I am 365 days later and I am--as far as we can tell or know--cancer free. It's a great thing to celebrate.

So, happy one year cancer-versary to me! Thank you, Jesus, for good doctors, good medicine and early detection!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter, friends! Death, where is thy victory? Grave, where is thy sting?

This is a day we celebrate the greatest milestone of our faith, and lately I've been celebrating a much smaller and more personal milestone of my own, which really has nothing to do with Easter, but now is as good a time as any to tell you about it.

I'm thrilled (so beyond thrilled) to report that I have had my last saline injection for the tissue expanders in my chest. For those who haven't seen them ... well, they are a sight, unfortunately. Recently I heard a line in a comedy that describes me well right now.

Two men were discussing a woman's physique (ahem, i.e., that she was a little too well-endowed). And one man said to the other: "A body like that just doesn't look structurally sound."

That would be me. Not structurally sound. I've had a ton of pain the last month of this process as I grow more skin for the doctor to work with.

But the good news is that the tissue expansion is DONE. On May 12, just 2 days short of my one year mastectomy anniversary, I'll get these ugly squarish, uncomfortable tissue expander things out of me (hallelujah!) and they'll be replaced with small, silicone breast implants. (Sorry for the details, but everyone asks, so there it is.)

This surgery in May won't be my last surgery, but will be the last one I have to be under anesthesia for. So this is a huge milestone in the reconstruction process (which won't be totally finished until around Christmas).

I know you are probably thinking: "Isn't she done already?" But this is just a really long process, unfortunately.

Lucky and few are those who naturally have enough skin to go around. For once in my life, it would have really paid off to be chunky.


photo by Tim Snell (flickr.com)

One more thing ...

Oops! Forgot to mention, I now have a paid blogging gig for a travel site called Uptake. I got the gig through the freelance site called oDesk.com, which I was hooked up with after being on Larry King. My first blog entry was published today:
http://attractions.uptake.com/blog/amys-farm-ontario-california-3340.html

Life Under Scaffolding

So I have been busy lately barely holding onto a couple of freelance gigs and trying to get back to a normal level of activity. The problem is that I'm finding it really difficult to do.

A lot of people told me last year that the shock of cancer doesn't usually hit the patient fully until they are finished with treatment, and I think that's very true in my case. As long as I was treated, I was going to be fine. Now that I'm done with chemo and back to life, I have begun to suspect that every little physical ailment is a possible recurrence of the cancer, and this doesn't help my state of mind. Now that cancer is gone, I keep wondering: When will it come back?

I once read a very funny book about hypochondria, in which the self-diagnosed hypochondriac writer stated that his mental issues were cured once he discovered he had Hepatitis. Knowing the worst alleviated his fear that something was wrong with him. I have joked with several friends over the last year that maybe this would be true of me, and I may have even mentioned this on the blog before.

The problem is that cancer is different than other diseases. Just because it's cured, doesn't mean it's cured. Even the five year mark isn't the great sign of hope that it is for other cancers. Breast cancer can come back whenever it wants.

I saw a post on a breast cancer forum that was titled: "When every headache is a cancer metastasis ... " And I identify so much with that. I know in my head that I have wonderful, very good odds in my favor, but it doesn't stop me from worrying, every time something doesn't feel right, that I have come out on the bad end of those good odds.

What's worse, it doesn't stop doctors (except old faithful Dr. Hilliard my oncologist) from worrying either.

I had an abdominal ultrasound in the fall. Something didn't look quite right. So a nurse told me it "might be cancer" and my gynocologist sent me for blood work to try to rule out ovarian cancer. I worried, but of course everything turned out just fine.

I had a weird rash on my stomach two months ago, so I was sent to a dermatologist. It looked a bit like dry skin gone very bad, but what did the doctor do? A biopsy. Requiring one stitch. He also gave me ointment, of course, so the rash was gone in a matter of days--the scar and lump from the benign biopsy are still around.

Now I'm having tons of pain, most likely related to all the tissue expansion (one more fill!!) and stress that I carry in my face and shoulders, but in my head the hypochondriac is thinking the cancer has spread to my bones. I'm pretty sure that like the other two "alarms" since chemo, this one is going to turn out just fine.

But it doesn't stop me from googling "breast cancer metastasis to the bones" every night.

Plus the pain is making me tired, which doesn't help matters at all. But I'm discovering and rediscovering that Worry and Pain are very bad friends. Worry plus Pain plus Google ... they are like the kids in high school who ditch class and smoke after detention.

So, for the time being, I will attempt to keep Worry and Google at a distance. And I'll take another pill for Pain.

St. Patrick's Day Blessings

Today, on St. Patrick's Day, Nate and I have much to be thankful for. Through the kindness of some family members and some anonymous, but generous, individuals, we've been very blessed in the last 24 hours.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

And now, in honor of the day, I'll share with you a prayer attributed to St. Patrick, which a dear friend shared with me this morning. It's a beautiful prayer, and I offer it here in a much abbreviated form:

St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer
"The Lorica"

I bind unto myself today the strong Name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same, the Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this today to me forever by power of faith, Christ’s incarnation;
His baptism in Jordan river, His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spiced tomb, His riding up the heavenly way,
His coming at the day of doom, I bind unto myself today...

I bind unto myself today the power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay, His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach, His hand to guide, His shield to ward;
The word of God to give me speech, His heavenly host to be my guard ...

Christ be with me, Christ within me, Christ behind me,
Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger...

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.


Image courtesy of examiner.com

"What ...

... are you going to do now that you've had your five minutes of fame??"

Go to Disneyland! Of course.

A big thank you to the Harveys for that gift. We finally did it! The kids were in heaven. It was a lot of fun. Thank you! Thank you!